Last weekend was Halloween weekend and I met a boy. Halloween was on a Sunday, so of course there were parties Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night. I don’t like cliché so I tried to find really clever ways of looking slutty without just being a slutty-fill-in-the-blank. For example, on Saturday night I was a “waitress at a strip club putting my way through med school.” On Friday, however, I decided to leave out the slutty all together and just go in a dia de los muertos costume. That was the night I met Jesse.
Jesse is an actor, but I won’t give you his full name because I don’t want to get sued. I’ll just tell you that he is very, very handsome and I am fairly certain any girl in their early twenties would know who he is. Because he hit on me when I had a painted face I can only conclude he must have a fetish for covering girl’s faces, and I can’t wait to see what that will mean for our sex life. Then again, we have only gone out once so far so maybe I am getting a bit ahead of myself.
The night that we met we had a great conversation in which he bestowed a lot of really amazing facts on me, like the fact that his two favorite bands are the Rolling Stones and the Beatles and “the Stones were cooler but the Beatles were better musicians.” No shit Sherlock. Where did you come up with that totally unique and completely mind-blowing opinion? Even so, he had a great laugh, and was fairly charming, so I gave him my number.
He texted me about one million times before actually asking me out. I found that to be incredibly annoying. I mean, at first it was fun, but I think everyone has a texting limit. Like, did you ask me for my number because you wanted to chit-chat or were you planning on taking me to dinner? When we finally did go out I had a lot of fun, but mostly just because he was a phenomenal kisser. The fact that he is shorter than me is already a huge problem. Finding an outfit to wear flats with took almost as much energy as pretending to think he was musically savvy.
Unfortunately, I don’t think it’s going to work. Like I said, the bulk of our relationship so far has taken place via text, which is never a good sign. Especially if his texting includes things like “roger that” or “kick ass” and even more so if everything he writes is followed by a “winky face.” Which brings me to my point. Never trust a guy who sends more smiley faces than you do. He most likely gets more dick than you do. Sigh. What am I doing?
